I found out about Tony’s drawer when I went to fix breakfast. My mother has a small kitchen. One that does not allow 2 people, so conveniently when I am here, there is no room for offers of help. Which is just as well. She can’t see me wince at the birdseed bowls on the counter or curse under my breath at the wobbly burners on the stove that I am sure are a fire hazard. “Are you talking to me, dear”? “No mom, it’s nothing, just looking for the can opener”. “It’s in the drawer with the bird”, she called. Well, that’s how I should have logically found the bird drawer. But instead, I went traipsing into the kitchen like any normal, coffee craving person would do, whacking my hip solidly on the half open cutlery drawer while trying to avoid the wagging dog underfoot. I greeted Mickey with one hand and slammed the offending drawer closed with the other. Or at least tried to. The ensuing SQUAWK snapped me out of my pre-coffee haze. I looked down at the dog who gave me a knowing smile, I swear to god, and carefully opened the drawer. Tony was sitting on a well used knife sharpener, staring into a small round dolls mirror, which was obviously placed there for that exact purpose. “Mom, there’s a bird in your cutlery drawer”, I hollered, still staring him down. “Oh that’s Tony’s drawer dear”, she said as if finding a bird in your kitchen drawer was rather pedestrian. “But it’s the cutlery drawer mom”, I countered, relieved that Anthony Bourdin wasn’t hovering outside this kitchen. “I hardly use those things dear, and there’s no doo-doo, just feathers”. I heard only doo doo and feathers, glad I was on a cleanse that required only the blender sitting safely atop the counter. As I stared Tony down I became aware of my lack of indignation and revulsion. Normally this discovery would render me apoplectic but instead, I just smiled. Comforted by the fact that this not so dumb bird gave my mom so much joy, even if he did doo doo in her drawer.